i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize