Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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