And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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