Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
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I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
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The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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