Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
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My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
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On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
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