Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize