I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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