How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
