I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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