the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
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I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
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I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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