i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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