You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
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I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
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