My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
You have to summon your inner elephant
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize