Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
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