Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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