They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize