i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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