It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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