first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
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