Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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