Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
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Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
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It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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