i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
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Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
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If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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