from now on my penis is your penis
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
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i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
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Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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