I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
