If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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