Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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