Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize