You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
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You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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