Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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