That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
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If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
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Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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