She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Randomize