I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize