The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize