12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
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so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
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I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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