I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize