i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
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