So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize