I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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