cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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