I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize