I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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