I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
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its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
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I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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