just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
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im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
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I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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