so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
