You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
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What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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