There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
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This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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