remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
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