Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
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It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
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Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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