At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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