and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize