Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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